Like a punch to the gut
I have been staring at this empty page for almost 36 minutes trying to formulate the words to describe the tug on my heart. The best I can come up with is that I’m feeling nostalgic; not for the past but for the present. I know that the sound of Kai’s sweet baby voice will soon only be heard on the many videos I’ve taken of him. His tiny dimpled hands with become the hands of a man. His shirts will no longer snap between his legs but will soon be stuffed into a smelly ball under his bed along with pizza boxes and dirty underwear.
As I’ve said before, when you’re a parent (or an aunt or uncle or grandparent or friend) of children, everyday is bittersweet.
When I was searching for a way to put my feelings into words I found this article that a friend shared on her blog. It’s written from the vantage point of a mom with children that are grown; where all the raising has been done and all those memories are hazy. I’m in the memory making phase (not to say memories aren’t made all the time, but you know what I mean). The phase that is gut wrenchingly hard and riddled with self-doubt. Full of love and joy, Playdoh and playgrounds, snotty-nosed kisses and unconditional love.
We are six weeks into 2012. Kai turns 1 1/2 in two weeks. His life is already flying by and I need a constant reminder to spend time on the things that matter and get rid of the excess.
I'm a freelance writer who currently enjoys the sunny weather in San Diego, traveling, and my friends and family. What else is there?
Beautiful and totally agreed. I feel ya. I can’t believe Maya will be 2 in 3 months. Time just goes warp speed when you become a parent. I teared up as soon as I read about his tiny dimpled hands becoming the hands of a man. The time to note memories is now and thank you for reminding me to do the same.
Dear Daughter,
This is your finest piece of writing ever. Thank you too, for the wonderful link to Anna Quindlen’s article on Motherhood. I so identify with you and with Anna both. We too, are those babies and grownup girls, middle aged and old women all packaged in our one human form that keeps changing. We must forgive ourself for forgetting sometime. Praise God for his love all times.